Everyone has someone that they look up too or like being around, whether it’s a friend, relative, significant other or even a pet. Mine was my grandfather Edwin James, also known as grandad. Grandad passed away last August, and it was one of the saddest days my family and I experienced. He had touched so many people’s lives and was always there for them whenever they needed it.
My siblings and step dad had gone to see my grandfather a few days before he passed, but my mom and uncle were with him on the night he died. However, I opted not to visit him.
Why? because I knew my final memory of him would be a happy one, rather than seeing him in his final moments almost lifeless. After much thought and consideration I had decided that I wouldn’t visit him. I was constantly questioning whether to go or not. Would I regret not seeing my grandfather before he was gone? Never officially saying goodbye to my grandad was hard, but I believe that he understood my reasoning—it’s not a goodbye, but a see you later.
The day my grandad died was heartbreaking. I had just walked inside and my mom had quietly said, “Hey bud, he’s gone.” I stood there trying to keep myself together, but I couldn’t. I walked outside and sat in peace with my dog. My mom came out and I remember her crying. She leaned on my shoulder, and we sat there together, with grandad watching over us. That night I didn’t sleep much. I listened to music and thought about all the time I had got to spend with such an incredible man.
My final memory of my grandfather Edwin James was him being with me on my birthday. Every birthday in the past was always great. This birthday however was more emotional for me, because through the years I could see him slowly deteriorating. Grandad had been known for getting big gifts even if they were very expensive. I have three other siblings and we all knew that if we wanted something crazy, ask grandad. I had just gotten my license so I asked for a car, and my parents said yes but not to expect one on my birthday. Once Grandad arrived at our house, my mom snuck outside and then called us out. We had gotten a brand new car, and all I can really remember about that day, is seeing the joy on my grandads face when seeing the reaction from me and my sister. Grandad had helped pay for our car, and I am forever grateful for that.
My grandad had been diagnosed with cancer years before. When he found out, sure he was scared, but he knew he needed to stay calm for my mom and the rest of our family. No one would have known he had cancer because of how much he worked; he always put himself before others. He would volunteer with many different community groups one of which was Helping Hands, a group that gave canned goods to those who were less fortunate. He also attended church every single Sunday when he was in good health. If he wasn’t at church or volunteering, he would be spending time with his family.
I strive to be at least half the man my grandad was. My grandad was genuine, loving, unselfish courageous and a thousand other things. Out of everything he taught me, the most important lesson is learning how to be unselfish. Grandad would always do what we wanted whether it was hanging out at home, or going deep sea fishing. Whenever I am in a tough situation I say to myself, “What would grandad do?” This question rings in my head daily.
It’s been over 250 days without my grandad, and I have thought of him more and more every day. When tough situations are placed in our laps, people often ask, “Why me?” However, they should be asking, “why not me?” I believe everything happens for a reason, whether good or bad. As Alexander Graham Bell once said, “When one door closes another door opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”
It is hard losing someone you love; goodbyes are never easy. However through time, things will get better. Grandad wouldn’t want us relishing in the past but living each day as if it was our last. Edwin James, thank you for all you taught me.
– By Cooper Patterson
