Finding the Silver Linings

Let’s talk divorce. Almost 50 percent of any given marriage in today’s day and age will end in a divorce. Let’s restate this—theoretically, of the 1,400 or so students at Northwood, around 700 would say their parents are divorced. This number is staggering. Why are couples not staying together? Are the underlying issues becoming too severe to be dispersed? Are we too lazy to fix these issues? However you want to look at it, divorce is more common now that it has ever been before, and I, honestly, am okay with this.

Divorce is a result of unhappiness of whatever form. By divorcing, it means someone in the situation has created a happier life for themself. As a child of a few generations of divorce, having step-parents and many step-grandparents—family that I still have no idea if I’m actually related to—divorce is sometimes confusing, hurtful and sad. Growing up, it hurt me that I didn’t get to split time between my parents equally. It still hurts me to this day that I legitimately cannot remember the last time I saw a certain parent on Thanksgiving. Despite everything, I’m glad my parents divorced—I’m glad anyone who has divorced in my family did so. It’s always been for the greater good. I mean, let’s face it: no divorce stems from being too loved or treated too kindly.

Divorce sucks in some aspects, such as never having the “normal family experience,” but I am glad my parents aren’t together. It’s resulted in two happier families, kids under happier custodies, and honestly, I now know what I don’t want out of a relationship or marriage. I have grown up knowing my parents as two separate individuals, each unique and quirky in their own way, just not as a single unit, and I admire both of them for the sacrifices they have made and the unconditional love and support they have given me.

Divorce has shown me what it means to make the best of every situation, how to be a stronger individual, how to keep in touch with family and how to feel truly loved. It helps you grow up. And while this is not me saying, “Everyone should be divorced! Marriage is overrated anyways,” I am saying that to those who have divorced families, look at the bright side if you are able to.

I write to relate to the 700 other students here that are going through the same things. Whether your parents are in the middle of separating or have never lived at the same household, I know firsthand having two different roofs is hard. But two roofs are often a covering for a life of love under each. And you know what? I think I can accept that. I am loved. I am cherished. I have two parents and two families. If it’s under two different addresses, I’ll sort out all the mail later.

– By Zoe Willard

I’m Not a World Traveler

I spend a lot of time in airports. Raleigh Durham International Airport and I—we’re tight. I’ve got the whole traveling thing down pat. I always have my ID ready, rarely check a bag and never set foot in the airport without a pair of headphones. I am better at traveling than most adults I know. But I’m not some jet-setting world traveler. In reality, I spend most of my time on planes going to Florida, where my dad lives.

My parents got divorced when I was in the first grade, and through the years, my parents have moved farther and farther away from one another. I know this isn’t uncommon. Parents, despite our assumptions, have dreams and wants, and they sometimes have to move away to make that happen. I also understand that I am not some special case. A lot of kids have parents who live far away from one another; even more have parents who are divorced. I think the point I’m trying to make is that it’s a lot harder than it seems.

I had never really been bothered by my parents’ divorce until more recently. My mom gave me her and my dad’s wedding album. It’s difficult to see them look so blindingly happy with one another when now they live thousands of miles apart. Because they got divorced when I was so young, I didn’t really get a chance to see them together, and it’s a little disconcerting to see them in pictures with one another. It’s kind of like seeing two friends who you didn’t know knew each other in a photo together, but worse.

Everyone’s first assumption about divorced parents, besides the fact that it’s sad and unpleasant, is always, “Oh, well at least you get two [insert holiday here].” But for me, that’s not really the case. I generally have to choose between who I’m with for holidays, which is an uncomfortable decision to make. It’s really difficult to have Thanksgiving with one parent, get on Facebook, and see your other parent with the rest of your family enjoying themselves. It’s basically the worst kind of FOMO (fear of missing out) possible. Flying between North Carolina and Florida during random weekends and portions of the summer is frankly exhausting, and it feels like I’m constantly away when really cool things are happening. Of course, this isn’t really true, but I’m a teenage girl, so it feels like it is.

Having parents who live far away from one another is an inconvenience, but everyone seems to be happy right where they are. I’m leaving for college pretty soon, and I know I will be grateful that I got to spend time with both of my parents before vacating the premises for good. But for not being a world traveler, I sure am in airports a lot.

– By Ava Johnson

Students’ Takes:

“[Divorce] teaches you a quick struggle when you’re young and that the world isn’t promises and hopes—it’s definitely problems and bad stuff that’s going to happen no matter what.” 

“There’s really no way to describe how [divorce] makes you feel. It’s more or less how it changes you; it adds to your personality.”

“I understand it and I can accept it because [parents] aren’t happy with each other. They are your parents, so you want them to be as happy as they can be, so you have to accept it.”

“It’s not fun—it’s just a very weird system. If 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, what’s a marriage?”