Education has always been a priority in the United States. However, as I grow and move forward in the educational system, I feel more and more weight added on to my shoulders. I feel my anxiety increase as I see the progressing academic competitiveness of my peers. For me I always saw high school as the build-up to apply to college and to go into “the real world.”
Sometimes I can’t wait to get out of high school, but then reality hits, and I realize I need to figure out what I’m going to do after high school. Thinking about the future is scary. When I was younger, I expected my future self to graduate high school, go to college, get a job and move on with my life. Now, inching closer to that romanticized future fills me with “What If’s?”, indecisiveness and unfinished necessary tasks. I didn’t take into consideration that one day if college is ensured in my future, I will need to leave my friends and family behind in order to grow as my own person.
People have always gone to school to learn, so I don’t know if it’s just because I’m a junior in high school or this really is a generational thing, but I catch myself and others, going to school not to learn, but instead only showing up to receive good grades or even just to pass a class. The more I hear about college, GPA’s, being involved and getting the highest grades possible, the more I wonder, “Am I good enough to get into a university? Am I good enough at anything to make something of myself? Do I even want to go to college?’ Society has convinced me that I have to go to college and I’ll be judged if I don’t, or frowned upon if I don’t get A’s and B’s. But no one ever stops to think that maybe school isn’t for everyone. There are plenty of people where school may not be for them but they are extremely intelligent thinkers, or are so talented in the arts, that they could just quit everything and make a career out it. A set of examples of people who decided they didn’t need college become successful includes; Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, Elizabeth Holmes,Ted Turner and Sophia Amoruso. These select few are now very wealthy because they followed their passion and not the traditional route. Not everyone is going to exceed the expectations of going to college and live out another boring “American Dream.”
I don’t think I get the encouragement necessary to feel motivated enough keep going, as in adults in my life tend to give up on me if I begin to doubt myself even a little bit. My friends and my older sister definitely help me see clearly and realize what I need to prioritize. I often feel as though I will never be good enough, the people I am closest with in my life remind me otherwise. Because over my educational career, I have struggled to retain what I consider good grades. I have received grades that are always almost good enough, but not what I consider to be ‘ideal’. Maybe it’s because I am too hard on myself, or because I have bad luck; maybe it’s because the teachers and adults in my life don’t consistently remind me, along with other teenagers, that not everyone learns the same way or at the same pace, and that not everyone has the same definition of “good” grades or the same expectations of being “good enough.”
Experiencing the pressures of society in the educational system, I have learned that more often than not, you are the one person who has to encourage yourself the most. Yes, people can cheer you on and definitely guide you to feeling motivated, but you are truly the only one who can wake up and tell yourself, “You can do this”. I learned that even when it’s so hard to not give up on myself I have to keep going and I’m not always motivated for a consistent reason. These are all things I’m still learning myself, expectations will vary between each person which is why not everyone will learn from the same experiences or even make changes to accommodate the pressures and anxiety they carry. Surrounding yourself with positive influences and encouraging thoughts creates a positive mindset and environment to better prepare for your future no matter what you decide to do after high school. Whatever you decide it is important to try and improve, not to try and be better than someone else, but strive for a better version of yourself.
–By CC Kallam
